Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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