Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
