For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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