I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
