i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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