totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
