Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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