at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
