Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
