You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
