Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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