I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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