So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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