So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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