You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
