I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
