I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You don't make any sense
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