420 ftw
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
