apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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