Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
