i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
