I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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