First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
