obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
