I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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