And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
