3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize