OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
