Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
