I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
