Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
