Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize