we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
