My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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