so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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