You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
