my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
