just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
