Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
