and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
