respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
