Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
