So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
