I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
