I heard we made out
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize