just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
