i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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