I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
