those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize