the condom got lost in my hair
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it glows. i had to have it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
