swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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