I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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