Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
