I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize