Do you still have your period?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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