youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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