what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
