if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
