You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
