I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
