i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
