Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We were destined to go to rehab together
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
