I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
