btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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