you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
