Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize