Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
