Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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