R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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