btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
