Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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