So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
