ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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