You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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