I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm passing your future prison.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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