Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
