She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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