I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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