i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
