South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
