it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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