I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
