then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
