I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
