The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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