Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
