seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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