That's intense
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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