I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
