my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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