She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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