If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
