We're facebook friends in real life
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
