what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
