You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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