I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Randomize