so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
