I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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