apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Randomize