Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
