Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the day after is always just damage control
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
